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posted 13 Feb 2017, 12:02 by Gerry Kangalee
I write this full of trepidation. I can feel the flames of hell licking at my feet. Woe is me. I may have somehow finally crossed the line. And if God so loved the world that he gave his ONLY begotten son, (God is Chinese and y'all pass out the boy), what will become of me? My parents begat 10 of us!

You see, sheep of my papyrus, I am thinking of the recent robbery carried out by Bible toting bandits. It was a limited edition carrying only 9 commandments. Thou shall not steal had been edited out. I hope they also edited out the Book of Samuel (to protect the innocent). Hear ye…hear ye...or is it Hark?

The story goes that the bandits were proselytising in the neighbourhood, looking for lost souls and found jewellery. These heathens chose not to store up their treasures in heaven but rather right here on earth in their duffel bags. Right after they had seduced the victims of their trust.

Now I do not know of whence denomination they came. Religion like J’Ouvert has been privatised. God, salvation and redemption now has franchises like cable television. One has to pay to pray. Ask the churches and denominational schools. Public religion, like public education comes in at the lower end of the scale. Jesus at best would have been a Rasta. Conversely He/she might have been one of those who block the pavement in broad daylight shouting at anyone who is not listening about how close we are to perdition and inviting intervention from the Environmental Management Agency - decibels and all that.

You all ever notice that all of them who do this are Christian/Baptists? I have never seen a Moslem, Hindu, Bahai or Buddhist spread flowers on the pavement, make chalk marks in the street and do a brother Resistance..'Ring the bell .to wake up Captain Cipriani. Is it a franchise something?

As I was saying this crime of fashion (I understand jewellery was taken), was facilitated by our trust in the Lord which is rivalled only by our trust in the Unit Trust. As has been their wont for decades, the representatives came to spread the word and have the converted spread their arms upward (raise yuh han’; put up yuh han’) the easier to be robbed.

Would I have been robbed? Thank God no. Anyone attempting to steal from me…well...it might turn out to be assault/without robbery. The pickings would be poor given the fact that my organisation instituted a wage freeze policy long before Brooks of the energy sector. Then I might ask "Comrade. Bandit! This is yuh first robbery? Is me you would look to t'ief from? Don't you know anything about profiling?"; which might just upset the perp especially if he/she is not kindly disposed to professional criticism. Just look at how Government ministers behave when you question them and you know exactly of what I speak.

My experience of, exposure to, evangelists was limited. They often find me when I am washing the car so I shrug and point to the bucket of "Wash and Shine'' For some reason they make the dogs in the street angry. Damn heathens!! But they are well organised though. Work in groups, target the women of the household, have material handy. Ozzie and Vincent and Brother Leader could learn a lot from them.

Dennis Solomon was said to be unkind to these soldiers of the Army of the Lord. He wrote that he would ask them if they could fix the plumbing, change the wiring or hang up a door. Their answers would invariably see him closing the said door on them. Guess he identified with the carpenter from Jerusalem in a different way. I hope, along with Joe Young, Dennis makes it into heaven As I undoubtedly will; along with those of you who read the Book of Samuel.