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LAZINESS, COCAINE AND MSG by Rae Samuel

posted 15 Jan 2014, 10:56 by Gerry Kangalee   [ updated 15 Jan 2014, 11:00 ]

In the days when arguments were conducted by shouting, especially if you were not winning, or cussin' if your line was being exposed as weak, you could always save yourself by claiming that I read that in the papers. The daily news had some credibility, like the Bible and other "Holy books'' did before the coming of the likes of Dr. Yosef Ben Jochannan and Professor Henrik Clarke...and Kevin Baldeosingh.

 

So I am reading one of the dailies and wondering if what I am reading is accurate or is intended to be taken seriously. If that is the case I will have to find other ways to prove my point. Maybe I could fold up the newspaper and clout somebody. But then that would fuel the anger that is leading people to single-handedly storm Parliament and shut it down a la Muslimeen. More on that later!

 

So as I prepare to go out there and argue with comrades, I must first check my facts and verify my sources. Otherwise I would be mercilessly heckled off the block. I am of an older generation where the only 'shots' that were frequently heard were. "Shut yuh mouth!"

 

So I am reading that the incumbent Minister of Health states that at the overcrowded hospitals, overflowing with lazy people who have made themselves sick, there are doctors whose responsibility it is to make the rounds. However: "I feel sorry...if they do not realise that'' What a benign employer!

 

Of course such an approach would not make the doctors 'lazy and sick' nor would his Cabinet colleague be moaning about low productivity and rising costs in the small business sector, when not sternly instructing trade unionists to get in line with their pleas for labour law reform. Should he too be just sympathetic?

 

But it got better; newspaper reading that is, when I saw this article, the first line of which for hidden suggestion/double entendre and pure sarcasm leads for 2014. Get to this, as our Yankee comrades say: "HOW did cocaine go missing from the Mayaro Police Station under the noses of police officers? Is that/isn't that a rhetorical question? Doesn't the answer lie in the question? Is it that the officers realised that the cocaine was nowhere to be found, (try seeing your top lip!) sighed and then took some deep breaths, which seemingly made matters worse?

 

Hey Inspector Ramesar your battles with the Commissioner are over! No more trepidation and anxiety over promotion. Your officers, starting in the Mayaro station, have apparently found a novel way to 'get high' according to the Express headline.

 

Then we come to the Pulitzer Prize winning piece of nonsense. I can’t use this piece in any argument: mankind, as we used to say, would just 'steups', if you did not get two 'clout'. Here is someone suggesting that there is a 'national anger' driving the sudden increase in murder/suicides in this country (and I always thought it was caused by visible panty lines).

 

 Reportedly: the source of this anger is the attempted coup of 1990 which has '’overflowed into the townships and has settled'' What makes it worse is that '’one quarter of the people living in this country were not born here and do not understand our culture”, which is what led to the tragic murder/suicide he was re-counting.

 

Oh those wretched Jamaicans! Coming here in droves and making people angry enough to commit murder/suicide. Well then, here is my crime plan (listening Gary?): repatriate the quarter million people who were not born here. Throw in/out Verna St. Rose too, daring

to single-handedly invade Parliament and hold the House to ransom with her loud conscience. Blasted caring, concerned terrorist!

Yeah, we will live without Chinese food for a while! This will reduce national anger and MSG and save lives. Maybe reduce oil spills. And the best part, (Fuad yuh listening?) there will be more room in the hospitals



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