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posted 17 Oct 2016, 17:57 by Gerry Kangalee   [ updated 17 Oct 2016, 17:59 ]
These scholarship winners real bright! They are the brightest people in the country. I study so damn hard and I pray hard too but I did not win any scholarship. In fact I barely scraped a passing grade. So I listening real good to what they say. And they all say "Thank God."

So I strongly advise all students to concentrate on prayer. I, foolishly, thought that I should have been studying as much as I could. But based on what these brightest people are saying, I should have been concentrating on prostrating and beseeching God instead of 'beating books' (i.e. studying real hard).

Do not worry that your classmates will look at you strange when you kneeling and clasping beads while they foolishly sit and turn pages. God will answer YOUR prayers. Do not mind them and their prayers. Your God loves YOU. He loves them too, but He loves YOU more. Ha! They watching you with your head always in your books, thinking you are studying. What they do not know is that is pray you praying. And God is listening to YOU! He has chosen YOU, (as wealthy as your family already is), to win that scholarship.

The statistics clearly support my hypothesis too. The vast majority of the scholarships are awarded (by God, not government!) to religious schools. These schools are more devoted to their religion. At least they say so. And I believe them because they so bright. So, I recommend that all schools become religious schools so as to even out the praying field. I cannot see why government secondary school students should not be given equal opportunity to be awarded scholarships (by God) just because they not as bright. Are we not all equal in the sight of God? God sees all of us as equally bright.

But I have a problem - which God? In the seventies, God favoured Roman Catholics, but now he is swinging in favour of the Hindus. Is this a trend that will continue? Should parents now say pujas instead of mass? Maybe both. We are cosmopolitan after all. Start early. I recommend giving children a Hindu first name and a Christian middle name. Get the pundits and priests to bless them (because God favours them too). Forget those extra lessons, go and praise God instead. You know how endearing four extra hours of worship will be. And do not forget that puja and mass just before exams! God loves that! But wait! I not so sure about the mass...I think that God sticking to his guns. He prefers Presbyterian girls to Roman Catholic boys. He is not listening to the priests so much anymore.

My next observation was made by listening to government ministers. I used to think that they were real lying, greedy, deceitful, conceited, conniving, thieving, corrupt people. But I may be wrong. After all, they are 'Dr. The Honourable So & So (#%*! & #%*!). So now I have to believe them. And they always telling the nation to pray…except for that blaspheming Minister of Education. I heard him saying that it is the government who is giving scholarships. Did he win a scholarship? Why is he not listening to these bright scholarship winners? Blasphemer!

And I do not understand why God giving all these science students scholarships. Why? They are the first ones to turn atheists. The ingrates! I recommend that we rid ourselves of Communication Studies and Caribbean Studies and replace them with Theology. Maybe then God will listen to everyone's prayers and all students will win scholarships. Imagine that! Then they can all say, "We thank God for making the government increase taxes to pay for our scholarships."

Not one of these bright ingrates ever thank me (taxpayer) yet.